the hafens: April 2011

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Andy's Confession

During the Sunday morning session of General Conference, someone mentioned Easter. Jaren felt compelled to quote Nacho Libre with, "Do you not know I have had diarrhea since Easters?" Andy, our four year old nephew who was sitting on Jaren's lap, exclaimed, "I have diarrhea sometimes!"

Favorite Quotes

I was changing the baby's diaper when I exclaimed, "Baby, you have stinky, stinky poops!" Lochlan chimed in, "Baby, you have two stinkies poops."
While preparing to blow his nose, Lochlan stated matter-of-factly, "I need to blow my burgers. It's gonna get loud in here for a while."
After enjoying some delicious Bear Creek dehydrated potato soup, we faced the long trip home to Provo from St. George. Unfortunately, Jaren and I both got the "toots" (a situation we should have expected), and mine were especially putrid. One of us remarked that it smelled like death. After thinking for a moment, I announced, "No. It smells worse than that. It smells like death farted!"
"Here I sit all broken hearted. I tried to poop, but only farted. Then one day I took a chance. I tried to fart and crapped my pants." - Jaren's dad
"If we had cake, we could have cake and ice cream, if we had ice cream." -Grandpa Hafen
"If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy." - Jack Handy
"The whiter the bread, the sooner you're dead." - Dad
"When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, mmmmmmm, boy." - Jack Handy
When I made a comment about someone farting in a car, Jaren's dad remarked, " It is better for all to suffer a little than for one to suffer a lot."
“Another term for balloon is bad breath holder.” - Demetri Martin
“I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you'd be like "Huh?", but if it's in a basket you're like " This is nice!" - Demetri Martin
“I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that’s when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.” - Demetri Martin
“If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.” - Jack Handy
“If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.” - Jack handy
“The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone asks me why I didn't get more meat, I'll just say, "Oh, you mean this?" and pull out a big piece of meat from inside the blob of potatoes, where I've hidden it. Good magic trick, huh?” - Jack Handy
“When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws. Only catapults.” - Demetri Martin
“Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you'd probably be able to get a lot of free games.” - Jack Handy

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Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Andy's Confession

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